Thursday, January 8, 2009

Many Blessings


I have been waiting to write because I was having a hard time finding words to express myself. Right now where I am with the Lord is so amazing. He is showing me so many things I have never seen before. Why did he wait so long to show them to me? I have realized it was not him who was waiting. He couldn't wait to show me but, it was me who wanted it but was pushing it away at the same time. I was afraid of change and where he might bring me. Now I know where I am is best. Why did I wait so long??
For the last 7 months I have been wanting a child. Having a child is one of the most wonderful blessings anyone could ever experience. There have been tears and sadness but in this time God has showed me so much about him and about myself.

In waiting to be a mother I had found that my sister-in-law had become pregnant and she had just gotten engaged 3 weeks before when she had found out. It broke my heart. Al tho I was very happy for her I was mad at God. Why would he do such a thing to me? I didn't understand. I have seen all around me people getting pregnant that are not even married, people who don't even want children. Here I am trying my darnedest to have a child, but nothing has happened. Little did I know that God had something else in store for me :)

Usually when I am going through a problem I back away from God and I shut down. I try to do it on my own. Getting pregnant is not something that I can actually do. I can help it along but it is only going to happen when it is Gods timing. That is so hard for me. I know that I need to trust in him because it is all about his timing. I wouldn't want anything out of his timing because his timing is perfect. There have been times where I was mad at God for not making me a mother.

Wanting to have a child has brought me closer to God in so many ways. It's funny to say but what a blessing it has been these last 7 months to have spent time with God and having him answer so many prayers and questions that i have had. I know that when I do become pregnant it is going to be in God's timing and it is going to be great. I think for the last 2 years God has really been preparing me to have children but these last 7 months he has really been showing me allot.

God has also showed me that If I want to trust in him it's not just going to happen automatically I have to actually do it willingly no matter what happens, no shutting down and trying to do it myself because that is going to get me nowhere. In the long run I know God is going to bless me and make me a mature Christan. I am just in awe how God is using this time to help me grow in him. I have been surrounding myself with the Lord and reading his word. I am realizing even in church I understand things allot more and I want to learn his word. I long for Knowledge of God.

Thank you Lord for your amazing timing and showing me so many great things about you, and helping me grow and see things about myself that I need to work on. I'm so excited for more from You and all You have for me. I'm excited to further my relationship with You. The deeper and deeper I go the more amazing You are to me.

Thank you LORD!

The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?
~Proverbs 20:24


5 comments:

much2ponder said...

Wow! What a blessing to read your words. I have been praying for you my little Betty that the Lord will bring a child when he has prepared you and your heart for it. Only the Lord can create life and I am confident he will bring life in his perfect timing as you say here. He is good and faithful and he knows the plans he has for you. He loves you deeply and wants to bless you. There are things we may never understand while we are here on earth and I know it is hard at times, but it fill my heart with gladness and my eyes with tears of joy that you are waiting on him and putting your trust in him. It is evident in your life that he is teaching you and the fact that you are hungry for more of him is an added blessing. This does my heart good:) I love you!

lil kiss said...

I love you too mom!

Singing Owl said...

(((K)))

You are a joy to know!

Ang baylis said...

Hi, my name is Angie and your mom is a good friend of mine who I met on the blog I don't remember how long ago! She is SUCH a blessing to me and she told me you have a blog! WOW! I'm SO impressed! You are such a good writer and I especially love your heart for God! You are SO right that in His timing He will work all things out for good! I pray you can have patience while you wait for Him. I'm glad you started this blog to express your feelings and share where you are on this journey! Thank you for letting us in your business. You are not alone. I pray you get support from godly women. There are a lot of women out there who care about you! Thank you for trusting God with your life! I can already tell you are a special girl! I look forward to getting to know you better on this blog and can't wait to see what God has planned for you in the future! By the way... your puppy is just adorable! You'll have to keep us posted as to what you name him! Thanks again for sharing your life with us out here in blog land!
Much Love,
Angie xoxo

lil kiss said...

Ang baylis,
Thanks for stopping by. And thank you for your prayers! I will defiantly be stopping by your blog!

~Lil Kiss ><>