I have been really realizing a lot about myself lately. I have such a hard time always connecting with God. I always have even when I first became a Christian. I am beginning to see that I am not really sure if I am where God wants me to be. Actually I know I’m not where God wants me to be. I’m afraid! I know it’s all about having faith and letting God take over but I don’t want to let go. I know that is the next step in maturing my relationship with God. I love to be comfortable and I feel if I stay where I am I won’t get hurt or lost and confused. I am in a bubble and I don’t want to pop it and step out in faith. I feel like my feet are supper glued to the floor and I can’t move forward. God has a plan for me and I know that but I am scared. I have realized I am becoming a hermit in my own home when it comes to going to church or any function having to do with church. I am hiding something and I don’t even know what it is. Could it be the fact that I am rebellious to God? Even when I read the bible or a book like THE SHACK I feel as I read my mind is just blank. I don’t even know what I read and I don’t get anything out of it. Why can’t I concentrate get something out of it and live it!? Why am I having a hard time being the person that God wants me to be? I want to live for God not for me. Why is it so hard???
Saturday, March 14, 2009
I am a Aunt again! For the 4th time :) little baby Ethan Mikel Ladwig was born March 11th at 10:30pm. He was 7lb 2oz. 19 inch long. The mother of this adorable baby is my sister-in-law, my husbands sister. Her name is Melissa and her husbands name is Elliot. They make a beautiful family! I am so excited to get to know this little guy!!!