Sunday, March 29, 2009

Living for God…?

I have been really realizing a lot about myself lately. I have such a hard time always connecting with God. I always have even when I first became a Christian. I am beginning to see that I am not really sure if I am where God wants me to be. Actually I know I’m not where God wants me to be. I’m afraid! I know it’s all about having faith and letting God take over but I don’t want to let go. I know that is the next step in maturing my relationship with God. I love to be comfortable and I feel if I stay where I am I won’t get hurt or lost and confused. I am in a bubble and I don’t want to pop it and step out in faith. I feel like my feet are supper glued to the floor and I can’t move forward. God has a plan for me and I know that but I am scared. I have realized I am becoming a hermit in my own home when it comes to going to church or any function having to do with church. I am hiding something and I don’t even know what it is. Could it be the fact that I am rebellious to God? Even when I read the bible or a book like THE SHACK I feel as I read my mind is just blank. I don’t even know what I read and I don’t get anything out of it. Why can’t I concentrate get something out of it and live it!? Why am I having a hard time being the person that God wants me to be? I want to live for God not for me. Why is it so hard???


much2ponder said...

Wow Betty! This is very open and honest. I have struggled with these very issues at times in my walk and I believe it comes down to the fact that sometimes our need for stability and comfort have become greater than our want of God in our life. Does that make sense? I was just saying to a lady at work today that you want to get a new job as a cosmetologist, but fear seems to be stopping you.

Your fear is not really about God, it's about trying something new and possibly failing or you are afraid it will be harder than life as you know it right now. The truth is that you really have no control over your circumstances either way.

When we try to hold on to comfort by controlling what we choose to do we are not really holding on to anything at all. What is really happening is we are allowing the enemy to lead us to believe "doing nothing is safer than doing something"; when nothing could be farther from the truth.

We grow stagnant in our walk with the Lord because we are listening to the lies of the enemy and he is winning. We are of no use to the kingdom as long as we are not considering God in our choices. It comes down to fearing the Lord more than fearing taking that next big, or small step (the enemy).

I love you and will say a prayer for you. You are a fighter by nature and a strong person at that. I told my friend at work that you would be ok because you are strong, but it is more that He is strong and in your weakness he will be able to glorify himself.

Sometimes we need to close our eyes put our hands out in front of us as we feel our way to the next step and when we feel like we are about to fall, there it is. He catches us and it is at that point that we realize we have been missing the freedom that comes from letting go and soaring with Jesus. I love you and will keep praying that you will simply trust.

lil kiss said...

Awesome! Thank you so much for giving me words of wisdom. It makes perfect since. You are right. I am afraid to fail. I want everything to work out just right but moving forward is going to take me to an unknown place. I have not been in a place like that in a long time. Time for me to jump. I know I just need to do it and look to God for the answers while doing it!!!

SingingOwl said...

Wow! I love you, Kristen. And I have been praying about this since we talked as we waited for my color

Your mom really did hit the nail right on the head.

You want everything to work out just right. Ah, how I can relate. I can promise, it is not going to happen. Only in eternity will we have everything working out just as it should. If you face that reality in advance, perhaps it will be easier to face the fear and jump!

lil kiss said...

to be honest I cant believe I haven’t just faced that fear already. When I was younger I would have jumped a long time ago! I am also realizing the older I get the more afraid of things I have become. It's so weird.

SingingOwl said...

It is common, actually, to be more afraid (cautious?) as we get older. This can be a good thing, or a bad thing, depending on the degree of caution/fear and how we respond. Sadly, this very thing is why the military prefers young recruits, like age 18, to older ones. Younger people tend to feel invincible, and as we age we begin to realize that we are not, after all, super man or super woman.

YOU CAN DO THIS! I know you can!